Action opening alternatives. What makes you read on? #2
“I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain had a small black gun in her hand. It gleamed. She smiled, then put the gun to her forehead. I put my hand out to grab it.” (1)
This is an action opening to a short story. I know not everyone likes a story to start with action, but many people do. The action mightn’t be about a gun though, It could be about something else:
“I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain had an envelope in her hand. It was wet. She smiled, held the envelope out. I put my hand out to grab it.” (2)
This opening has almost as much impact as the gun opening in my opinion, but the impact is psychological now. Let’s try another way to get action into an opening:
“I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain was dripping from every extremity. She smiled. “I’ve been looking for you,” she said. I had no idea who she was.” (3)
This third opening isn’t about giving something physical, but it is about a possible moment of real change in someone’s life. What about a fourth type of action:
“I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain was naked. Her eyes were wide. Her hands covered herself. “Please, I need to hide,” she said. Her voice quivered as she spoke.” (4)
This one had an emotional impact, I hope. What about this final one:
“I opened the door. The woman standing there laughed. The rain bounced off her. ‘If you abuse another female character in a story, I’m going to come and get you,” she said” (5)
This is more of an experimental meta-fictional type opening.
I wonder would you mind picking which opening you prefer?
If you leave a brief comment below and come back late December, to give plenty of time for some responses, or simply sign up for updates above right, the most popular opening will have a short story created around it.
Please also comment below on using action as an opening technique.
This is the second in a series of four posts in the run up to the launch of The Jerusalem Puzzle on ebook December 3rd and in paperback in many countries January 3rd.
I like the third. Plenty of opportunity for development
I, too, like No. 3. Strong air of mystery and intrigue. Is she his mother, his daughter put up for adoption years ago, his unknown sister, his cousin or a detective or a lawyer; or does he have amnesia. This opening fires the imagination.
The first one is too much of a physical punch right off for my taste. I actually like the last one because there are so many interesting things this woman could do. Perhaps you were dreaming, having guilt over your abuse of women and she is a figure of your dream, or perhaps you are a serial killer and this is your alter-ego speaking. So much fun with this one!
I like #4. It carries instant vulnerability and depending on what the POV character does, he’s instantly a hero or a cad.
I like the last one best! But only because it comes after all the other ones with the woman in the rain! : )) Seriously, great points.
I like numbers 3 and 4, as they both have an air of mystique around them and you can create absolutely anything from those openings. The first one is rather good too; however, it’s got a bit too much. Though you can go back in time after that opening, writing about how that scene came to be.
I like three and four. They both give so many options!
How about this: I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain had a small black gun in her hand. She smiled, and pointed the gun at me.
Or this: I opened the door. The woman standing outside in the rain had a small black gun in her hand. She was naked. She smiled, and pointed the gun at me.
I liked 3 best. Although, I almost preferred 2 best but for the repetition of “out”.
I like number 3 best. After reading that, I want to know who in the world she is. So many ways the story could go. #4 almost demands delving into a story involving sexual violence. I’m not into reading stories about that.
#1! I wanna know why she’s got the gun. Will she shoot him? Is it a water pistol? Did he cheat on her? Is she a bounty hunter?
I like #2. Something inside an envelope, a closed box, behind a closed door always intrigues me!
Didn’t much like any of them, but the last one made me titter a bit. I’m not even sure these really are ‘action’ openings. I mean, “I opened the door” is a bit redundant in most of them, and I’d suggest starting with a line of dialogue, for the ones that have the dialogue:
“I need to hide.”
She stood naked and dripping wet in front of my open door.
“Please.”
Likewise:
“I’ve been looking for you.”
She stood in front of my open door dripping from every extremity. And I had no fucking idea who she was.
Just a few thoughts, I arrived here from twitter.
Cheers.
Number 3 for me – intriguing, the possibilities for drama are endless. Except I really don’t like ‘dripping from every extremity’ *coughs* – another genre altogether.
Yes, the promise of illicit goings on is titilating
No. 3 for me. Thank you!
I am very intrigued with the number 3 opening
The last one got my attention. But then I’m a smart-ass. #3 seems easier to carry on in a story. #2 cut the line ‘the envelope is wet.’ duh.
I like the second one …may be due to my special interest on psychological thriller.u can play with the script as you want it can be either thriller or romantic or sarcastic……there is a nice break for the reader to take a deep breathe and think about the envelope and the dispatcher….
I like 3.
I like number 5 – it hints at a story full of satire, and it’s an attention-grabber. Two of my own recent stories began with the lines: “Under the piano, everything is safe.” and “It wasn’t the beginning. That awful moment he stepped off the roof, out of the world of the living. It wasn’t the end, either. Although, to me at least, it felt very much like it at the time.” I quite favour a short and punchy start.
I vote for three as well.
I vote for three. All of them are ver good openings!
#3 gets my vote, if you take note of the suggestions above (eg) William Knight. It definitely launches us into a mystery tour.
As much as I’m tempted to read a romp of experimental metafiction, my also goes to #3